I hope mine doesn't look like that
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
