do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
