Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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