Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
