Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
