hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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