I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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