Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
