you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
