just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
