She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
