Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
