even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
