Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
