dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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