I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize