I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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