Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
