Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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