I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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