my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
