you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
