He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
