Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
why is half of my head shaved?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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