I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
