She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
