I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
