My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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