...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
