so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
