i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
