My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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