he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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