I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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