Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
