I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize