yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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