I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize