you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just found puke in my bra..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
