I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
