do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
