So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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