My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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