you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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