If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i was born a porn star she said
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
