My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
