I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
