Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
