So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
