I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
