Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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