When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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