i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
