i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
