3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
