I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize