This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
