operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
