Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
