Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize