What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you will always have a special place in my vag
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
