we're blogging at a bar
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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