she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
