I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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