Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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