Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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