Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
