I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize